What we've been up to.

“Learn as if you were going to live forever. Live as if you were going to die tomorrow.” 

~ Mahatma Gandhi

There are actually several things I want to write about, but I'm lacking inspiration.  These are some of the things we've been doing around here lately; more for my remembrance than for anyone else's actual interest.

Robotson and I went to see Hamlet The Musical at the Shakespeare Tavern.  We had a really good time.  If you can get in to see it before August 8th - do!  After the show we stuck around so Robotson could talk to the actors.  He was very taken with the actress who played Ophelia, who explained how they did the fake blood.  Very cool stuff for a nine year old boy!  He was a little embarrassed by the sexual references, but again - nine year old boy.  The whole way home he talked about putting on his own play.  

We never finished The Deathly Hallows.  I think someone told him how it ends because I would have thought the curiosity would be too much to bear, but he already knew several things that were going to happen before they did.   I wanted to finish it with him, so it's a little sad.  We moved on to reading a few pages of Anger every day.   It usually takes us an hour because we talk a lot about it as we go along.  I just wish we weren't reading at night; it's exhausting.  

I'm reading Mind in the Making, which I heard about on the Podcast Beyond Belief.  It's something I want to write about, but I'm having trouble collecting my thoughts.  

We are fully unschooling right now.  I'm trying to pull together everything I know about facilitating learning, and then focusing on modeling self-directed learning.  It's not easy for me, but I'm not ready to write about it yet either.  At least not here.  

I signed up with a friend to do the Warrior Dash next May.  

Funny Girl is getting really good at recognizing and writing her letters without help now.  She's also been singing much more lately - and she's pretty good!  

Dimples turns three next Tuesday.  Her vocabulary is exploding again.  She's also getting really good at navigating on the computer.  

We've been out of our nightly reading routine for the last couple of weeks.   We'll pick it back up in August, but I'm making up for it by reading more during the day.  Last week we read a really good selection - The Silver Swan. It touched on life and death, as well as moving on.  In an especially long winter, two swans are starting a family, but other animals are having a hard time.  A mother fox tries to get the mother swan, and though she fails, the swan is mortally wounded.  We had some good discussions afterwards about animal nature and death.  

Next month, I'm taking Robotson to see Sita Sings the Blues at the Center for Puppetry Arts.  

That's all for now. 

"I'm hungry."

"As a child my family's menu consisted of two choices: take it or leave it."

 ~Buddy Hackett

I'm pretty sure the most common phrase uttered in our house is "I'm hungry."  It could be worse.  There was a time when Dimples called everyone an idiot as many times as she could.  Thank you very much cartoons for that lovely word introduction.  The appeal in that phrase is waning, and so "I'm hungry" has been restored to the number one spot.  I have to admit though, I'm not a big fan.

I came from a family where "If you're down, you're done." was the rule.  We ate what was made (complainingly most of the time) and we finished it because there was no coming back for more later.  There weren't a lot of other rules about eating, but one thing my mom did not do was make meals to order.  Like most people I heard about the starving kids who would be thrilled to eat whatever it was - so I should be grateful.  Our meals were fairly healthy.  We didn't eat out a lot or drink sodas, but there was always junk food around for snacks.  

Our family now looks very different.  I do make most of the meals to order.  I feed them when they ask me, and generally as often as they ask me.  I don't make them finish before they leave the table, and let them come back when they want.  And although I try very hard to feed them all at the same time, they are rarely hungry all together.  Somedays it feels like I never leave the kitchen between feeding them and myself.  As you can probably tell, we don't eat many meals together.  I would probably find this much more important if I was working and the kids were in school, but since we spend all day together I don't worry about it.  There is very little junk food in our house.  What we do have is in 100 calorie portions and the kids have been told why it's important to not eat four at each sitting (though this doesn't always stop them!)  We eat out more often, and we let them drink sodas when we do.  

Since I have issues with food, these differences are deliberate.  As much as I would like to make three meals a day, offer two snacks, and cut out all unhealthy options - I worry that I'd be creating problems were there are none right now.  Funny Girl is the queen of self-regulation.  She knows exactly what her body needs.  I trust her to know her body better than me, and it seems to be working.  For example there are days when she eats nothing but Honeynut Cheerios; others where she goes through all the fruit in the house.  She usually chooses mandarin oranges over french fries and juice over soda when we eat out, but the other day she insisted on drinking Coke with her pizza, and that was o.k. too.   She's not a real picky eater, often willing to give something a try.  I think she's the easiest to feed on a daily basis.  

Dimples refused solid food until she was one, and she was a chunky monkey!  Now she eats much the same as her sister, though she makes different choices.  She'll eat just about anything that I am eating, and we often share.  Dimples is my veggie girl.   One of her favorite meals is broccoli, cauliflower, and carrots with pasta and little bit of butter.  She doesn't really like soda, but drinks milk (soy) like it's going out of style.  Feeding her is pretty easy most days as well.  

Robotson is the one I worry most about.  I feel like he eats more for pleasure or boredom than he should.  One of the reasons I wanted to change the way I eat was to model how to make better choices.  I think it's working too.  Neither of us used to eat breakfast, but now we both get rather grumpy when we do not.  Both of us get hungry at night and need to eat more during the day.  We also need to eat all of our calories each day to keep an even flow of energy.   Recently I found out just how many calories a boy of his age needs and I was amazed.  He can eat well over what B eats on a daily basis.  Gone are the days when I would worry about his eating too much.  Now I just make sure what he has access to what is good for him.  He's my picky eater though.  He can go weeks eating the same things day after day and often refuses to even consider something new.

Getting back to the I'm hungry phrase, the reason this has gotten to me lately is because I'm tired of thinking about food.  Calories, HFCS, BPA in cans and plastics, serving sizes, meal planning, grocery shopping, when to eat, how often to eat...it goes on and on.  I never stop thinking about food.  The kids have started asking for bedtime snacks now.  This is a relatively new thing and I'm not sure where it came from, but my first instinct is to say no.  The kitchen is closed after 7pm!  This is supposed to be the "Mom is done thinking about food time."  Plus, I used to eat late and it became a bad habit.  On the other hand, I want them to trust their bodies and fall asleep with happy tummies.  So I'm learning to say yes and offering good choices.  I haven't been able to escape constant references to food, but hopefully the kids won't have to worry about it when they are adults.  Then it will all be worth it.  

Look Again

"The voyage of discovery is not in seeking new landscapes but in having new eyes."

-Marcel Proust

What hidden stresses do you have?

Sometimes I am surprised by what I find is taking it's toll on me.  I recently realized a few things that I thought I enjoyed had actually become very hard for me to handle.  But it didn't make any sense because I  know that each one also brings me happiness.  So I decided to stop worrying about them and take a break.  Guess what?  It worked.  Not only did I not miss them as much as I thought I would, I could also enjoy them more when I approached them from a new perspective.  These activities are things I can choose to do when I want, as much as I want.  The invisible "thems" and "theys" that I thought I needed to appease didn't exist; or at least "they" have been silent on the matter.

We've just been playing around here lately.  It's so hot outside and I know how wimpy that sounds, but I don't care.  It's not even refreshing to go to the pool because the water is warm.  Like a bath.  Ick.  So we hang around the house reading, writing, doing puzzles, playing games, and watching t.v.  Occasionally I clean something or exercise.  

I wrote down some happy moments we've had over the few days, but that's all I've got for now.  The fan is making a lovely whirling noise and I've found the perfect spot to feel the breeze.  It's lulling me to sleep.

At night: cool breeze, fresh air, and buzzing insects.

Big fluffy white clouds against a periwinkle sky.

Chocolate ice cream covered face.

"Mom, I want you to have flowers that never die."

An extra day of vacation.

Helping Robotson take care of his anger, and learn a little about other perspectives.

Planning a pool date and a night out with Robotson next week.

Getting a Follow back on Twitter by an author whose latest book I am really enjoying.

Robotson getting goggles.

The Known Universe

h/t Instructify

"You live and learn. At any rate, you live." 

~Douglas Adams

A friend asked me today why I hadn't been posting much lately.  It's a little bit of this and little bit of that, but it basically boils down to what I want the world to know about us.  I prefer to write about the more positive parts of parenting, homeschooling, life.  I'm probably my own most frequent reader.  I know not every day is peachy keen, but those are the parts I need to remember the most.  And the truth is it's been some tough weeks around here.

Yet despite that, we've also been doing a lot.  I still have pictures I want to post from the Botanical Gardens trip.  Robotson and I are two thirds done with The Deathly Hallows.  Funny Girl is writing and drawing up a storm.  Dimples is also drawing and figuring out how numbers work.  I'm still losing weight and B has joined in.  We have some big plans for Dimples birthday next month.  I've been introducing Robotson to Shakespeare and he wants to put on his own Hamlet with Doctor Who figures.  We have all been reading quite a bit.  So it's not like we are all moping around.

I could write about a lot of things right now, I guess.  It's just when the time comes to sit down and do it; I don't want to or I'm not feeling very positive.  This too will pass.

Homeschool Days 6/18/10

"Education is not preparation for life; education is life itself."

~John Dewey

Time to catch up on the past err... month of schooling at our house.  It's been fairly busy, which is my only excuse for not posting more.  I realized my personal reading had fallen way off, so I'm trying to catch up on some things I started but never finished.  I'm still reading two books on mindfulness:  Anger by Thich Nhat Hanh and Everyday Blessings by Jon and Myla Kabat-Zinn.  I spend a lot of time pondering the passages I've just read, and I would like to write about it, but I guess I'm not ready since nothing comes to me when I try.  I'm even feeling a little uninspired in this post, so I'm keeping it short.

I'm still reading to the kids before bed.  We found a great book at the library recently, Redwoods by Jason Chin.  I vaguely remember there being pictures of me as a kid in the redwood forest.  I'll have to see if my mom has them somewhere.  I hope in a few years that we can pack up the kids and take a few months to drive across the country.  I'm sure we'll stop for many things along the way, but my three must-sees are:  the milky way from the desert where there is no light pollution, Disneyland, and the redwood forest.

After How To Train Your Dragon, the book club selection was The Name of this Book Is Secret.  I attempted to get it from the library, but it's not available.  Robotson suggested we begin Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows, and we decided to take a break from the book club over the summer.  We've never missed one in the two years since it began, but HP is keeping us busy, and the guys are going back to Six Flags next week when the club is meeting.  We'll pick things back up in August since the entire group decided to take July off.  As for HP, we are about a third of the way through.  I'm having a hard time reading because I choke up whenever I remember what is going to happen next.  

Funny Girl hasn't been writing this week, but she's been all itchy - and slightly grumpy - from poison ivy.  It was a very mild case, and I'm not sure where she picked it up from.  I need to search our back yard thoroughly.  The worst was on her right hand, in between her pinky and ring finger.  Needless to say, she hasn't been much interested in writing.  However, she was able to use scissors.  Unfortunately, we now have several dolls with no hair, a blanket that has been repurposed as a cape, Mulan's dress is in tatters, and a couple chunks of FG's own hair are gone.  I took the scissors away, but I'm thinking of following Emily Geizer's advice for this new interest. 

Dimples is nearly three, and so on the verge of many big and exciting changes.  But most importantly, she's happy and healthy; which as far as I am concerned is all she needs to be at this age.  

Health Update - June 2010

"A tattoo is a true poetic creation, and is always more than meets the eye. As a tattoo is grounded on living skin, so its essence emotes a poignancy unique to the mortal human condition." 

~V. Vale and Andrea Juno, Modern Primitives

I did hit my weight loss goal in May, about a week after my birthday.  Then I lost a little more before getting stuck again.  After bouncing around the same number for three weeks, I decided to increase my caloric intake.  I am now eating as if to lose half a pound per week instead of one and a half.  It seems to have made a difference because I am now steadily dropping tenths of pounds each day; hitting a new low this morning.  I'll eat like this for another week, and then change it back.  I am also planning to add weight training to my fitness routine.   Something I learned while researching how to break this newest plateau; if you begin to feel hungry all the time, and are not losing weight, then raising your calories is a good idea.  I needed to shake up my body's metabolism because it thought I was starving.  Silly evolution.  Catch up already!

I've been pretty embarrassed this whole time to reveal actual numbers, but I going to put it out there so I can write more easily about it in the future.  My highest ever was around 210, but after going vegetarian in 2004 I lost 25 pounds.  I stayed between 185 and 190 through last October.  My first goal was to go from 190 to 160, and I am now at 157.6.  My final goal is 130.  

And as a reward to myself for hitting my goal, I did get a new tattoo; two actually.  Both are still healing.  

This one I totally borrowed the idea after reading An Atheist Symbol.  The idea of brain waves reminded me of the recent studies where Buddhist monks meditated for scientists, who took scans of their brains.  I researched the studies, and any other science I could find on meditation.  Then I tried to find real examples of what those brain waves would look like.  Alpha waves are representative of that state of relaxed awareness.  You can see I took that alpha wave straight from Wikipedia.  Those are the kind of waves I want my brain to generate more often than not.  The 'be mindful' is just to bring me back to the moment each time I see it.  The color is olive green.  

This one was spur of the moment.  I'd been continuously searching for something science-related/atheistic, but could never find anything that worked for me.  I could think of a lot of phrases that represented the idea I wanted, but I didn't want to add more words.  I wanted something colorful.  After I wrote the post I Am Here, I realized that something to do with the stars would be perfect.  The kids understand that they are made of elements that were made in the stars.  Those basic building blocks have always been here, and will one day be back in the stars.  I love this idea, and so there is one star for each of us.  I let the kids each pick their own color.  This is as close as I will get to an atheist tattoo.  I can say as little or as much about it as I like, but my family and I know what it means.  That's all that is important to me.  

I had thought I would get another tattoo at the end of my weight loss, but since I covered both science and atheism in these two, I may very well be done.  

Some weight-loss science that I've been collecting along the way:

Amount of Physical Activity Needed to Prevent Long-Term Weight Gain

"These data suggest that the 2008 federal recommendation for 150 minutes per week, while clearly sufficient to lower the risks of chronic diseases, is insufficient for weight gain prevention absent caloric restriction. Physical activity was inversely related to weight gain only among normal-weight women; among heavier women, there was no relation, emphasizing the importance of controlling caloric intake for weight maintenance in this group."

Exercise doesn't make as big of an impact as one would hope. At some point, to lose or maintain weight, you are going to have to watch what you eat. It's my brain that has the most trouble with this. I still want to eat all the junk I used to enjoy, but eating it doesn't actually feel or taste the same. I'm finally starting to break through the mental barriers of weight-loss.

Shape Up the Quick Way: Lose Weight Fast for Lasting Results Suggests New Study

 "Our study provides further evidence that, within the context of lifestyle treatment, losing weight at a fast initial rate leads to greater short-term weight reductions, does not result in increased susceptibility to weight regain, and is associated with larger weight losses and overall long-term success in weight management. We suggest that, within lifestyle weight control programs, substantial efforts should be focused on promoting large rather than small behavioral changes during the initial weeks of treatment."

I can see how making the hard changes up front can lead to a more permanent change. It's really easy to talk yourself out of making little changes as you go along, especially if you are still steadily losing weight. I didn't have to exercise or give up ice cream since I was still dropping. But when I did significantly reduce junk food and start exercising, I was more consistent with my weight loss, and it came off faster. If I had to do it all over again, I think I'd start out more aggressive.

Obesity Linked to Lowest Earnings

The results showed that people earning the lowest wages were more likely to have weights in the obese range, or BMIs of 30 or greater. People living in the southern United States -- where state minimum-wage levels are among the lowest -- were more likely to be obese than people in other regions.

This is sad, but not surprising. Even as an obese person, I was more judgmental of "unhealthy" looking people. I hope when I was in the position to be hart of a hiring decision that I did not actually let this influence me though. I don't remember consciously thinking about it. I have since worried that it might be harder for B or I to find employment, should we need it again, due to our appearance. Fortunately, we are both making changes.

Traditional Aerobic Fitness Training Trumps Pedometer-Based Walking Programs for Health Benefits

What to do: walk around the block or work up a sweat in an aerobic workout at the gym? If you're looking for the best health benefits from an exercise program, a traditional aerobic fitness program that gets your heart pumping beats a walking program hands down. But if you want to get moving, a walking program is easier to do, it's good for you, and you're more likely to stick with it.

Well there you go. If you are wondering what sort of exercise to do, get out there and sweat!

Belly Fat or Hip Fat: It Really Is All in Your Genes, Says Researcher

In humans, men are more likely to carry extra weight around their guts while pre-menopausal women store it in their butts, thighs and hips. The bad news for men is that belly, or visceral, fat has been associated with numerous obesity-related diseases including diabetes and heart disease. Women, on the other hand, are generally protected from these obesity-related disorders until menopause, when their ovarian hormone levels drop and fat storage tends to shift from their rear ends to their waists.

Good to know.

'Obese' BMI Does Not Harm Current Health of Young Adults, Study Says

Jarrett said the emphasis on BMI can have damaging psychological effects on young people who, this study suggests, typically do not have health problems related to their weight. Though the BMI is convenient, it doesn't take into account different body types or gender differences; a measure of body fat percentage would offer a more accurate picture of risks associated with an individual's weight, he said.

I didn't know know what BMI was until I started using the Wii Fit. Apparently that was a good thing, I don't really focus on that number. I prefer to see my clothing get smaller and the scale numbers go down. According to the Wii, my ideal weight could be 124 with a BMI of 24. I think that's a bit low, but we'll see. I don't plan on letting the numbers bully me when I get down there.

Writing Love

How do you teach children to write?  It depends on the child.  For Funny Girl the answer has been an alphabet puzzle, lots of paper, and a parent to spell for her.

At first, I noticed sheets of paper like this lying around the house.

Then she started asking us to help her write sentences.  That's when we needed the alphabet puzzle.  Funny Girl tells us the word that she would like to write, and we pull the letters out of the puzzle for her.  If we aren't at home, we point to letters in signs, tshirts, menus, etc.

It's amazing to watch her grow and learn organically.

Labels are for cans

"The trouble with being a parent is that by the time you are experienced, you are unemployed."

  ~Author Unknown

My parenting ability is so-so.   There's probably some scale with varying degrees of parental aptitude somewhere on the Internet.  I figure I'm smack dab in the middle.  I put myself there simply because I make mistakes, but I also strive to do better.  Parenting just doesn't come naturally to me.  I'm not fishing for reassurance.  I'm irritated about a thread on the TJEd Secular email loop.  It took me a while to figure out why I was bothered; the real reason and not just my first feelings of defensiveness.  Here's how it started:

Someone brought up the radical unschooling segment from ABC.  A lot of people jumped into the conversation and it branched off into several other related topics.  Common themes include everyone expressing a desire to stop being judged for their personal family choices because what works for them might not work for everyone else, and the inevitable bristling when sweeping generalizations are made because everyone knows someone who unschools.  Depending on which side of the coin they are on, they either know mostly successful unschoolers, and only a few bad apples, or vice versa.

But this isn't even about unschooling.  This about parenting, because the one thing every one can agree on is that permissive and controlling parents are bad.  Bad. Bad. Bad.  These people should not have had children because they don't understand what children need.  I find this irritating.

Guess what?  I was/am/might always be - a permissive parent.  There I said it.  It's not like I embrace permissiveness.  It's not my desire for my kids to run the house.  Call me naive or whatever you want, but I had no clue how darn hard being a parent was.  I was completely unprepared, and then I went and had two more.  I think of parenting the same way I think of sex education.  It's not being taught.  It's like a secret among the parents out there to keep all the messy stuff to themselves.  We are either deluded or stupid.  Normally, I'm not one for mandatory education, but I can at least see a strong case here.

All I knew going into this "being a mom" thing was that I wanted to do it differently than my mom, and I did.  I also didn't.  I did what is currently considered the worst thing you can do to kids these days; I was permissive until it seemed out of control, and then I got controlling until I hated myself.  Back and forth.  Over and over with my son, mostly.  I didn't know I was royally screwing him up.  I began to figure it out when I started learning about emotional intelligence, and I've harbored the guilt ever since.

So what really bothers me about this stuff on the email loop is the united front against permissive and/or controlling parents.  First, some of them may not even know what they are doing.  I can hear the responses in my head.  "If they didn't know how to parent, they should never have had kids."  Absolutely.  But who knew parenting was so much MORE than just loving these little people?  I didn't, and I can't be the only one.  So this argument holds no weight with me.  Second, some of them might want to be less permissive, less controlling and more...whatever the heck is in the middle, but maybe they don't know how.  Or maybe it's really hard.  It doesn't come naturally.  This is me.  Third, maybe they like being permissive or controlling.  Some of these parents must understand and choose their styles.  Does that make them terrible parents?  How in the world can I judge that?  I've done both - sometimes purposefully.

The conversations are winding down now.  Everyone has said what they wanted to say.  No one has changed their minds one iota.  Everyone feels judged and all hate it, regardless of choice.  Every single one of us just wants to raise healthy, happy, thoughtful, wonderful people.  And every one of us probably has days when we think we must have gotten it completely wrong.  Can I get a do-over please?  I'm done with these parenting "wars."  I want to keep my opinions to myself.  No, I have no idea how I can do that and still blog.  This will probably pass, and I'll be back to labeling myself and spouting off my values by next week.  I'm just finding myself less interested with each passing debate.

Sigh...

Lessons In Swimming

"The water is your friend.  You don't have to fight with water, just share the same spirit as the water, and it will help you move. " 

~Aleksandr Popov

Idle threats and boredom do not inspire my kids.   Funny Girl, who was so excited about learning how to swim, now has to be convinced to go each morning.   This change in attitude started on Friday.  I'm not entirely sure what happened on Thursday, but I think it was the boredom that set in first.  

In a classroom setting, kids have to share the teacher.  It's no different in our family, but the class size is much smaller.  I was happy to see only two other little girls in FG's class on that first day though.  I thought it would be easier than some of the classes I had Robotson in when he was younger.  He was usually one of at least five or six.   

At first, the novelty of having a new teacher and learning new things was enough.  She wasn't real thrilled that time she jumped in and went all the way under, but it was pretty clear she wasn't going to let that happen again.  After that class, she told me she didn't like getting water in her nose, and I told her that going under the water was her choice.   She took from that the courage to state before a jump how far she is willing to be immersed.  

They learned how to kick properly (ballerina toes), how to move the arms in freestyle (windmill arms), and what I think is the breaststroke (duck, plane, crash).  These were introduced slowly along with getting comfortable jumping into the pool, and blowing bubbles.  Alternating the girls so they each got a little practice left two of them usually bored, and sometimes cold, on the side of the pool.  By Friday morning, FG was reluctant to go back.  During the lesson I could tell she frustrated, bored, and not having any fun.  

I hoped the weekend off would renew her excitement, but it was even harder to get her motivated.  On the one hand, I don't want to let her quit.  The class isn't that long and I think it's a good thing for her to be exposed to different learning styles.  On the other hand, I don't want to force her to do something that could kill her enthusiasm for the water.   So this morning when she didn't want to go, we talked to her about it, but ultimately left the decision up to her.  I had an errand to run, and she could either go with  me and her lesson, or stay home.  She chose to go.  

The lesson started off poorly.  I was sitting close enough to hear, and one of the first things out of the teacher's mouth was "Do you want to go to  time out?"  Is this not a ridiculous question?  Do kids normally say yes to this?  We don't use time outs, so I'm not even sure she understands what that means.   Either way, I'm pretty sure the intention is not to remove her from the class because it was threatened multiple times, yet never acted upon.  I'm not always sure that people have to follow through when they say they will do something, but I can see an argument for not even bothering to say it if you don't mean it.    I should stop right here to say that I don't think this young girl teaching the class is a bad person or instructor.  I think she's not used to working with kids that question authority, question the reasons behind what they've been told to do, and when they are not comfortable - refuse to do it.   I can't really say that I blame the teacher at all because I know firsthand how difficult it can be to get these kids to trust you.  I think that's what it boils down to, honestly.  Does FG trust this woman to teach her how navigate water?  I think the answer is no. 

Halfway through the lesson today, the woman who oversees the lessons got into the water to help out.  There was only one other girl in class today, so each girl could get one-on-one help.  Now FG really flourished.   I was beginning to wonder if she had shut herself off completely from learning anything, but I saw her do each move very well.   What a difference it made!  The water is where she wants to be.  I also think the other woman has more experience; perhaps even a more confident hold in the water.  Something was different.  

I don't know how the next four lessons will go, but this experience has reinforced my views on traditional education and discipline.   I was the sort of kid that wanted to get lost in a classroom; just forget I existed so I could do my work and nothing more.  My kids are interested and passionate about learning.   If given the opportunity to work on something fully, and with a trusted mentor, they will go above and beyond.  I love that.