Not much going on this week. This schedule change is proving harder to adjust to than I had anticipated. Robotson and I haven't made any progress in Black Beauty. He did start the fifth Little House book with B though. Not sure where we are heading with the reading at the moment. We didn't do any other schoolwork this week at all. I'd like to feel bad about it, but I can't muster the energy.
Feels like most of the week has been about bickering. Everyone just seems crabby. I'm not really feeling much inspired to write so I'll leave you with a link.
Robotson was featured on another blog this week. Check it out! (Ricky is not his name, but that is my kid.)
"Anything for a quiet life."
--Thomas Middleton
What are some polite ways to encourage and model "inside voices" with kids? Mine seem to only have one volume . I've tried pointing out my voice as a guide, using hand signals to send the message discreetly, and played whispering games. So I'm looking for some other ideas. Have you got any tips for me?
"In order to make an apple pie from scratch, you must first create the universe."
--Carl Sagan
This week Robotson and I read Great Expectations and are currently immersed in Black Beauty. We read the illustrated, abridged version of Great Expectations so it only took us a couple of hours. We are reading the unabridged Black Beauty. We own many of those illustrated classics; the ones that really water down the stories and take imagination out by providing pictures. See I made some mistakes when Robotson was little. The one I regret the most is not reading to him. I interpreted his fidgeting as disinterest. It seemed pointless to read to someone who didn't want to be read to, and I stopped. So when we started reading together for school, I thought this would be a good way to introduce him to the classics and keep him engaged. Funny thing though, the first classic I read to him was the unabridged Anne of Green Gables, which had only a handful of illustrations. He mostly played quietly, still appearing to be ignoring me, but in reality soaking up every word. What makes me choose the watered-down classics over the originals now? Mostly how difficult the language is for him to understand. I tried to read A Christmas Carol to him last year but he had a hard time following Dickens' writing style. Little Women was sometimes difficult for him. Mark Twain is too hard right now, but Anna Sewell is just perfect. So when you see that we've read two great classics in one week, it's probably a safe bet that we have cheated a little bit. I always let him know when we're done that if he enjoys the story, and wants to read it again later, we'll go for the unabridged text. Oh and as for the pictures-- he rarely asks to look at them.
Our week has been a little stranger than usual. Monday I had to take all three in to the pediatrician. Funny Girl had her four year check-up, Robotson had to get another round of vaccinations, and Dimples was supposed to get her second seasonal flu shot (I ended up not getting it). I meant to show them the Sid the Science kid episode on vaccinations, but I forgot. I'm still planning on working that in soonish. They were all pretty crabby with me after that so we pretty much blew off Monday and Tuesday, except for going to the park.
Our microwave ignited on Monday. I gave it to Robotson to take apart. He hasn't really gotten started yet, but it's only a matter of time.
Tuesday I had to get his glasses replaced because he broke the frames. Much discussion ensued about responsibility, finances, and the difference between accidents and mistreating things.
And though the girls mostly played this week, there were dozens of mini conflict resolutions that I tried to work them through. It's an exhausting exercise trying to get a four year old and a two year old to stop pulling each other's hair and talk about their feelings. It even sounds ridiculous to me as I type it.
I did read with the girls, but not as much, and I can't think of a single book right now.
Funny Girl informed me that mermaids eat Pink Lady apples. They have their own website, as every apple should.
We reevaluated the computer schedule this afternoon and are giving it another two weeks. This time Robotson was not happy with the resolution. His computer time was reduced overall. Part of the problem was getting him to discuss it with us reasonably. He would either refuse to talk or claim things were said that were not. B and I are hoping to fill in those hours with something better than sitting in front of a computer screen. I think, in the end, we will have a very good solution. I don't think we are there just yet.
A few things we checked out online this week:
Days of the Dead celebrations around the world, and the Ares I-X launch. Robotson new more about the Ares launch than I did.
Creaturecast released another way cool episode, this time on multi cellular organisms (that's us!). The first episode is just as neat, watch that one too!
The Symphony of Science
" is a musical project by John Boswell designed to deliver scientific knowledge and philosophy in musical form."
This song gets me teary-eyed every time. The kids ask to hear it on every van ride. Yay!
"Reason and logic do not satisfy our emotional needs."
--Haim Ginott
You may remember that the point of the No-Lose Method is that no one feels like they are losing. But I'm getting ahead of myself.
We needed to come up with a new computer schedule. The main reason being that it was set up primarily by myself, and I wanted to have something we both came up with. The second reason was the change in B's days off. Robotson wanted some time for just himself and dad to play on the computer, which could no longer happen on the weekends. The three of us sat down together. This conflict resolution was harder because B isn't familiar with the steps, and I felt like I had to be in charge while not trying to get my own way. It was very difficult to stay focused.
Our needs:
Robotson needed time for him and dad.B needed to know when to be available.I needed to cut back the hours of computer use and to stop having to argue about getting off.
Some solutions:
Scheduling computer time in the evenings.Being able to use the computer all weekend.Using the computer time during the day instead of at night.Having no limits at all.Getting on at 6pm instead of 7pm.Having no days with unlimited screen time.New guidelines for when the laptop could be used.
We came up with a schedule that we agreed to try out for two weeks.
Sunday - All day, laptop only until 6:30p.m.Monday - 7-11p.m. can use laptopTuesday - 7-10p.m. no laptopWednesday - During the day, after schoolwork (as time allows) until 7p.m. no laptopThursday - 7-10p.m. no laptopFriday - No computerSaturday - All day laptop until 7:30p.m.
It is still a lot of computer time, but actually less overall compared to what he had before. But...it's still not working for me. These are the things that are still bothering me:
1. I do not like him spending all day on the computer during the weekends. It's too sedentary, his eyes get all bloodshot from staring at the screen so much, and I don't feel like he's using his brain enough.
2. We've scheduled specific time for him and B on Tuesday. I feel like the additional time on Wednesday is more than I'm willing to agree to right now. I don't want to be doing chores and taking care of the girls while they play computer games all day.
Reevaluation is tomorrow. We'll see how that goes.
"Politeness is to human nature what warmth is to wax."
--Arthur Schopenhauer
At the pediatrician's office this morning my children and I were completely blocking a corridor. Oops! I asked the kids to move, and then apologized to the woman and her son as they went by. She barely acknowledged me. Later, we were trying to move through an area that was blocked and I said, "Please excuse us." to call attention to our presence. I got it right today, but there are many days when I do not. I've also noticed that Robotson often over apologizes if he's accidentally bumped into someone or blocked a path. I found a cute little song that might help kids (and us too!) remember when and how to use those phrases appropriately.
Manners Song
Tune: Happy and You Know It
When my grandpa gives me something,
I say "thank you".
When my grandma gives me something,
I say "thank you".
I can see it makes them happy
When I say it so politely
Yes, good manners mean to always
say "thank you"!
If I spill my drink at lunch
I say "I'm sorry".
When I break something of yours
I say "I'm sorry".
I can see it makes you happy
When I say to so politely.
Yes, good manners mean to always
say "I'm sorry"!
If I bump into someone
I say "excuse me".
If I need to interrupt
I say "excuse me".
I can see it makes people happy
When I say it so politely
Yes, good manners mean to always
say "excuse me"!
As a side note, I found this really great article about a school counselor in Vermont who is adding manners and emotional intelligence into the curriculum. I hope it catches on.
What a day! I have to say that the Georgia Aquarium is a super fun place to trick or treat. There were maybe six or seven candy stations handing out m&m's, Hot Tamales, and mints, etc. There were carved pumpkins in the exhibits, the jellyfish were swimming with shadows of bats and witches, and most of the staff was in costume. In the whale shark tank there were divers carving pumpkins right there in the water. The kids didn't end up with too much candy and they ate it all while we were there. All the walking around probably burned off the calories anyway. We could definitely do this again next year!
Impromptu Thriller
We had planned to see The Nightmare Before Christmas in 3D tomorrow, but it's not playing in our area. So instead we'll be having an evening at home with Wallace and Gromit, Icabod and Mr. Toad, and Abbott and Costello.
Happy Halloween!
"If a child can't learn the way we teach, maybe we should teach the way they learn."
--Ignacia Estrada
Haven't had time to blog this week. Funny Girl's birthday is on Sunday! We are going to the Georgia Aquarium tomorrow for her birthday trip and for trick or treating. It's going to be so much fun! I'm not entirely sure what the girls are going to be yet. They have a box full of dress-up clothes to choose from. Robotson is going to be a detective like Chet Gecko from his book club book, The Chameleon Wore Chartreuse.
We also read The Legend of Sleepy Hollow this week. It was a fun read for Halloween. The girls and I read several new books this week including Uncle Bobby's Wedding. Chloe's favorite uncle is getting married and she's afraid that will change things between them. Bobby assures her that's not true and Chloe agrees to be the flower girl at his wedding. It's a cute story about real fears that children can have when something changes in their family. Not central to the story is the fact that Uncle Bobby is marrying his boyfriend, Jamie. I thought it was an excellent way to normalize gay marriage.
I Was Born in a Tree and Raised by Bees was my favorite this week. Crinkleroot takes you through the different seasons in the forest. He shows you how to look and listen to find out about the plants and animals around you. It's a fairly interactive book. Funny Girl especially enjoyed it.
Let's see, what else did we do this week? We had two very nice play dates. We went over to Mo's on Tuesday and it was really rather peaceful and calm. The kids played well together. I think Mo and I could have just as easily read a book or taken a nap, instead of quietly chatting. Wednesday, we had friends over and tried out a new recipe for vegan cupcakes. I wanted to make them for FG's birthday, but wasn't sure how they would turn out. I thought it might be fun for the kids to help and it was! I did make a mistake in my reading comprehension though and they did not turn out very well. The kids were all great sports about it and I made a small batch later that afternoon correctly. They are super yummy and we'll definitely be keeping this recipe for the party and the future. We made the frosting too. YUM!
Robotson and I did rework the chores (again) and I did let him know that they would no longer be tied to his computer time. I'm not sure if he believes me or not, but he's kept up his end with minimal grumbling. Bedtimes have been pretty darn good this week as well. Can it last? I still want to update on a few more of our resolutions, time permitting.
I think I mentioned before that Robotson now has his own blog. He wrote a post this week about Ganesha, the Hindu deity with an elephant head. He really likes the Hindu gods and goddesses.
I'm hoping to put up some pictures from our fun this weekend and I know I'm way behind in keeping up with the comments. I've read them all, and I'll try to get to those as well!
"It's nice to be important, but it's more important to be nice."
~Author Unknown
B and I were discussing this today after Robotson told me that he was upset with someone and wanted to "make them feel the way they made him feel." I was letting him talk through it, using Active Listening, to get to the root of the problem. His idea was pretty detailed, and yes, rather mean. He wanted to make this person miss him, then call to find out where he was just so that he could make them apologize. Then he planned to not accept their apology. That way they would know exactly how he felt. While his plan may have worked; it was just as likely to backfire. Not to mention the other dozen things that were wrong with this particular idea.
It was really important for me to let Robotson talk this through though, because he did eventually reason himself out of it. If given the chance, kids know right from wrong. They don't actually need us to tell them.* He doesn't really want to hurt them, he wants them to realize that he was hurt, and apologize.
What B and I were discussing, is how being mannerly can sometimes make you feel walked upon. I'd say, more often than not, the other person truly has no idea there was a problem. On a rare occasion they know, but are too embarrassed to say anything. But why should you take the high road? Because being mannerly isn't about other people. It's about feeling good about yourself. Ultimately, Robotson wouldn't have felt good making anyone feel badly, no matter how hurt he is himself, and he recognized that. I suggested he try to talk to them about what happened. I'm not sure if he will, but it's a better way to go.
Here are some guidelines to follow for confronting rude behavior:
During a confrontation…
1. Ask yourself if it’s really worth it.
2. Stay calm under pressure.
3. Address the rudeness.
4. If all else fails, leave.
I promised to update on our next couple of conflict resolutions. Both were quickies and we worked on them Tuesday. The first was regarding Robotson's iPod, which he had forgotten to charge and he can not sleep without. When I went to remind him of bedtime at 11p.m., he remembered it was dead and ended up staying up late waiting for it to charge. I was a bit irritated, but held back any sort of lecture. I figured it was better to address it with Method III.
Our needs were pretty obvious:
He needed it to sleep, but it only needs charging every two days.I needed it to be charged before bedtime.
The solution we came up with:
He suggested charging it on Tuesday, Thursday, Saturday, and Sunday. I suggested putting it on the charger right after he woke up in the morning. We both thought that would work.
I know it seems rather silly to have to work that one out together, but I think it's the process that matters. I could easily have come up with that solution myself and handed it down from parent to child as a rule, but he would have resented it. This way he was a real part of the process and is more likely to remember what to do. So far, so good. He did charge it tonight before he left for a weekend with Granny and Papa, but he was aware of it's need for a full charge since he'd be away so long. In the past he wouldn't have realized the need.
Chores wasn't as big of a deal as it might seem. I had originally made up the chore schedule and implemented it with very little participation from Robotson. There was the possibility that he would take this opportunity to throw it all out, and renegotiate the entire thing. I had to be willing to let that happen though if I wanted us to trust the system. So we started talking about it. In hindsight, I don't feel like we did as good a job discussing our needs on this one. I think we went right into solutions, which were more like non-solutions, really. Chores isn't so much a conflict. Right now it functions as a task to be done to get a reward. That's not what I ultimately want though. I want him to help out around the house because it's what a family member should do, and because I really do need the help. The reward is computer time, but that doesn't seem right. First of all, I want to stop using rewards and punishments. Secondly, it doesn't work like that for everyone. The girls sometimes get to play a computer game and they do no chores. B and I often use our computers and while we do quite a lot as the adults, there are days when we just lounge around and we still use the computer. I think I need to revisit this one with Robotson and write it up later.
The book makes it perfectly clear, several times, that P.E.T. is something you really need classes for. It's hard enough with support from people who really know how it works, but reading a few books and then trying to implement it is really an uphill battle. I have to say, I fully agree. Unfortunately, I'm probably never going to be in the position to afford the training seminar or even the DVD kit. So until then, I am forcing myself to embrace all of my mistakes with a growth mindset. I just need to pick myself up, and try again. It all seemed to be crashing down today after so much hard work all week, but I think we ended on a positive note. The truth is that Robotson and I have been at each other's throats for several years now. He oscillates between wanting to win and thinking I'm trying to trick him into something. I just want to get along and would consider that a win. It doesn't help that while I keep our Method III resolutions going, all of the other things we haven't worked on yet have me pulling rank. It's got to be confusing. B also, not having read the books, often plays the "because I said so" card.
*sigh*
We learn from our mistakes. Before Robotson left tonight, I told him that I would never give up trying to get it right. And I won't.
By the way, I realize it might seem like I am bending over backwards here and that parents shouldn't have to or want to do that. All I can say is: read the books. If they don't convince you, that's fine. This is the path that we have chosen.
"You learn something every day if you pay attention."
~Ray LeBlond
Did I mention our library had it's annual book sale a couple of weeks ago? I brought home three boxes of books that we somehow managed to stuff into our bookcases, but they are absolutely bursting at the seams now. The girls and I had a blast pulling them all out and talking about them, reading many, and deciding where they would go. By the way, a quick count of the number of books in the house got up close to 700. I was feeling pretty proud about that until some of my friends pointing out their collections are well over 1000. We'll get there though, I'm sure. Anyway, I've been trying to throw in a new book here and there to try to break up the favorites monopoly we have going right now. Here are a few I read with the girls this week.
The Runaway Kite and Painting the Town are part of Disney's Small World Library set.
These two star Mickey and Goofy learning about different countries through their wacky adventures. The Runaway Kite is set in Japan and centers around May 5th, the Boys' Day celebration. They make a kite and then help a young boy enter it into the kite contest. Don't worry, there's a Girls' Day too (March 3rd). In Painting the Town, the two pals are off to France to learn how to be great painters. Their paintings never quite turn out the way they want, but they meet many great friends along the way. At the end of each book, a couple of pages are dedicated to a few fun facts about the countries and Funny Girl learned how to say "good-bye" in both French and Japanese.
Miss Rumphius is such a pretty book. I couldn't resist it when I saw it at the sale. I'm so glad I picked it up. As a little girl, Alice would help her grandfather who was an artist and listen to his many stories. He tells her that she must find a way to make the world a little more beautiful and though she's not sure how, she promises to do it. She figures it out and through her stories, inspires other children to find a way to add their own beauty to the world.
With Autumn arriving and the leaves beginning to change, Funny Girl has been asking all the usual questions about how and why. So when I saw Down Come the Leaves, I had her in mind. It was the first book she pulled out and asked me to read. It's an old book from 1961 with fantastic pencil sketches including many leaves you might find in your own backyard. It's more than just a story about the Fall, it's really about the the role leaves play in a tree's cycle of life.
Robotson and I never did pick a book to read next. His next book club selection is The Chameleon Wore Chartreuse. We haven't started it yet. I think it will take us only two days to read though. I suggested reading something spooky for Halloween like Dracula, Frankenstein, or The Legend of Sleepy Hollow. He wasn't so keen on the idea, but he tentatively agreed to the last. He's not afraid of anything, so it's not that. I think he's just sort of tired of reading at the moment, and maybe still a little caught up in Little Women. He did love that story. His current plan is to make a lot of money so that he can adopt four little girls and name them Meg, Jo, Beth, and Amy.
Last week was practically a vacation. We messed around a little with Google's Building Maker and SketchUp. We learned a little bit about Ardi, and set up his own blog.
This week we've really just been focusing on resolving conflicts with the No-Lose Method. We are making some progress, but finding some mistakes too. More on that later.
Today the kids decided to make their own Halloween costumes. We decided to go trick or treating at the aquarium. Funny Girl wanted to visit for her birthday (November 1), so this works out pretty good. We are going on Friday while most kids are still in school. On Saturday, we'll go see The Nightmare Before Christmas in 3D. They've decided to be robots and are fashioning their costumes out of cardboard boxes and my kitchen utensils. This is what Funny Girls has so far.
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