November 18, 2009

A variation or deviation

"Any change, even a change for the better, is always accompanied by drawbacks and discomforts."
--Arnold Bennett

Robotson is very uncomfortable with change. From rearranging the photos over the mantle to B's work schedule, nothing is easy for this kid. It doesn't matter how small or if it's even happening directly to him, it's going to take time for him to come to terms with it.

It's been a particularly rough few weeks for us. I think I'm trying to do too much with P.E.T. and B's shift change. Nothing feels rights, we are all off-kilter. I knew going in that it would be hard, but I fooled myself into thinking the changes would be so positive that we'd get through it quickly. I was wrong. It's probably going to be late January before Robotson feels like the ground is stable beneath is feet. This time of year always throws us into a tailspin. I wish I could help him. What sort of comfort can you offer a child who is so emotionally attached to this idea of a static world? I don't enjoy all change, but I can certainly look for the positives. Maybe it goes back to empathy.

This evening, before bed, I told Robotson that his friend was going to be getting braces soon. He got very upset and angry. I tried to explain that not only was his friend *happy* about this, but they weren't permanent, and they would ease physical pain. Nothing I said made any difference. I finally gave up trying to reason with him and tucked him into bed. Shortly afterwards it hit me, I didn't listen to him. He didn't want to hear reasons. Something was going on under the surface of his words, and I totally missed it, and it all goes back to active listening. He's asleep now, but tomorrow is another day. Maybe this is a change we can work through together.

3 comments:

  1. Just wondered if it would help if you could put some elements of the changes in his hands, so he feels he has some control of the things happening around him?

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  2. changes are hard... i'm freakin out about my own future changes right now.

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  3. Hey Rob, I try to do that, although sometimes I forget. Part of the conflict resolutions we've been working on are to give him the chance to be part of the family decisions.

    vertpaix-I saw you have some big decisions to make. I hope the answers come easily and work out to be great, whichever way you choose.

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